Vid Lamonte' Buggs Jr is an Athlete. Scholar. Entrepreneur. Philanthropist. Bestselling Author. Speaker. Poet. Consultant. Volunteer. Coach. A modern-day “Renaissance man,”

Vid Buggs is a man of diverse interests who directs his many talents towards bringing people together, encouraging them to look past their differences to unite to make the world a better place.

Vid and his companies 4-U-Nique Publishing and VLB/VBJ Enterprises have been featured in several publications including USA Weekly, Huffington Post, and Forbes. Find out more about Vid at www.vidbuggs.com 

Vid grew up in an area where the life expectancy for males was only 29 years.  And, he grew up in the United States, in a place many visit for the beautiful beaches.  I was shocked to learn that he was talking about the Virginia Beach area.  The area has many port cities where incomes are tied to the US military.  There are drug problems, high murder rates, and many low-income families. 

Vid has beat the odds, but had to power through a childhood filled with people telling him he couldn’t….they thought he wouldn’t run….and yet he went on to play professional basketball.  And teachers filled his mind with Don’t Do’s, but never replaced the void with what TO do.  How could he dream and set big goals? 

He took on a Warrior Mindset with a focus on Faith, Determination and Perseverance.  He now lives to fulfill his mission of instilling these important life skills into children and adults.  As a coach to young athletes he shares basketball skills, but more importantly, tenacity!

He also seeks to bring people together and minimize the division we have in our world.  He wants to overcome what divides us as we focus on the plenty that we share in common.  He shares his important messages through speaking and writing.  He also helps other authors get their important messages out for impact.

His biggest internal challenge has been his battle with perfectionism and his largest external challenge is being a minority in America.  When he walks into a room, stigma follows and he must work 10 times harder as a result.  In tough times he remembers those who came before him and worked through their own struggles and he also relies heavily on his faith, turning to the Bible for strength and perseverance.  With his focus there he can get up and keep moving to overcome his next challenge. 

For others who are working to make their impact, he shares that you must continue to take intentional and meaningful action.  Start small.  Small builds and the ripple will eventually create a wave.  Just keep moving!

Do you have some lingering relationships ... …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…

……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.

Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how!

Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/roadmap to check it out!

I actually wrote about this life lesson learned from my car a few years back and as I’m revisiting it now had to laugh.  My son is currently on his way to get HIS car fixed with a similar issue.  He waited until the emergency situation placed on the side of the expressway calling AAA for service. I’d been telling him for weeks he needed to get it looked at. He didn’t listen and look…..neither did I….

Here’s my similar story with the life lessons it taught me…..

My car had had some issues.  I had to keep refilling the coolant reservoir.  I assumed that it was leaking, though I didn’t know for sure.  I’m not a big car person.  I don’t really enjoy dealing with anything to do with my car other than getting in and driving it where I need to go.  Beyond that I don’t want to take any time on it.  I try to avoid talking about it, getting work done on it, pumping gas into it, filling the tires or even shopping for a new one!  As long as the car I have can fulfill its basic function for me I’m good to go. 

Over time the coolant issue got worse and worse and I had to spend a bit more time and money dealing with my car.  I had to buy coolant and add it.  At first I needed to add it about once a month, then once every couple weeks, then once a week.  Finally I was adding coolant two times per week.  The gage I used was my air conditioning or heat (yes, this went on for months!).  When the air conditioner or heater blew out warm air rather than cold or hot I knew that it was time to add more coolant. 

It was working for me.  I knew deep down that I was spending a lot on coolant but I just didn’t feel like taking the extra time necessary to figure out what was really wrong.  I was just using the band aid method, coaxing the car along doing the bare minimum to keep it driving for me.  It was fulfilling its basic function so I just kept going with it.

Then one morning I went out to my trusty vehicle to drive my two boys to school.  The car failed me!  It would not start.  I checked the fluid.  I had just filled it.  I didn’t think that low fluid was a reasonable hypothesis since it had been bone dry many times with no starter issues, but it was worth a try.  That tapped my knowledge base.  I had a car that was no longer fulfilling its basic function.  I was finally forced into real action.  I called the mechanic who makes house calls.

The starting issue ended up being nothing more than a dead battery, an easy fix.  The leak, however, was a disintegrating radiator.  Once the mechanic removed it, he ran his hand down it to show me all of the little metal fins just falling away.  He said that it had been on the verge of failing altogether.  It would not have been drivable.  Coolant would have gushed all over.  There would have been nothing to fill.  I was now thankful for the dead battery.  It stopped my car from working and made me take the time to figure out what was really wrong.  Out of sheer luck, I was at home rather than on the side of the road somewhere. 

It got me thinking.  How often do we do this in our lives?  As long as something is still working, at least barely, we don’t put the time or energy necessary to address it at all.  We live with mediocrity rather than shooting for greatness.  We limp along rather than soaring.  We put time and energy into a band aid but nothing more.  And if we are lucky, a smaller issue will pop up to give us a wakeup call before catastrophe strikes.  So, what in your life needs more attention?  Where do you need a wake up call?

Are you just skating at work but feel like, hey, the job still pays the bills?  When is the last time you put extra energy at work?   When did you put not just your time but your passion into your work?  When did you last feel gratitude towards your boss, your subordinates or peers?

Or, maybe it’s your own business.  Are you feeling frustrated while you fail to do what you must to really succeed? 

Is your relationship with your significant other just a partnership of convenience?  Where have you set the bar?  Do you figure If the house gets semi-clean and there are some clean clothes, you both must be doing something right?  That’s good enough.  When is the last time you had a date together?  When did you last feel passion?  When did you feel an air of gratitude?  When is the last time you took a moment to appreciate the fact that your partner is in your life?  When did you last say, “I appreciate you”, with words or a gesture?  What energy is going to this important relationship to make it great?  Wouldn’t a rocking relationship be a better bar to set?  What would that feel like?

Does stress fill your life?  Are you slapping the band aid of alcohol or sleeping pills to keep going the way you’re going?  Who do you need to say no to with grace?  How do you need to revamp your expectations of yourself?  Are you shooting for that impossible goal of perfection?  What resentments are you carrying?  Where do you need to have a voice?  Where are you making assumptions that just increase your anger?

Do you have a health issue that you just work around?  I have to admit to that I have done this.  Are you putting a band aid on an issue?  What if it’s your tiny wake up call, the one that will come before catastrophe hits?  How can you get your body in motion?  What are you fueling your body with?  When did you have your last check-up?  What health screenings have you put off as unimportant?

Are you just tolerating your kids? Are they something to be dealt with, just another chore?  When is the last time you celebrated them?  Where can you pour more energy into their lives?  What wisdom can you teach? How can you shower love on them?  Where do you need to pull back the reigns and pay attention to their lives?  Who are they hanging out with, what do they do?

What in your life is slowly getting worse and worse?  What are you putting a band aid on rather than actually fixing?  What would it feel like to put full energy on fixing something rather than partial energy on band-aiding?  Where does your energy need to go before your kids are lost, your marriage falls apart, your health fails you, your boss fires you or your business fails?

Let this be your wake up call. You are a limited resource created for impact.  Learn this lesson from my car.  Take action now.  It’s time for you to soar!

Do you have some lingering relationships ... …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…

……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.

Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how!

Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/roadmap to check it out!

Nela Dunato Art & Design

neladunato.com

Find her book, Human Centered Brand here:  https://humancenteredbrand.com/

Nela Dunato is a designer, writer, and educator from Croatia. She’s the author of the book “The Human Centered Brand”, a practical guide that teaches service based business owners and creatives how to create an authentic brand and grow meaningful relationships with their clients.

Nela also teaches design as an Adobe course instructor, leads in-person workshops, and writes articles on design, marketing, business, and creativity.

She grew up in a small town, felt nerdy, isolated and was bullied, even by some teachers. Then she finally found and connected with her own band of misfits.  She quickly learned the importance of finding your peeps.

She is now on a mission to help others attract their people through authentic, intentional branding.

Words of Wisdom:  Don’t get hung up on a big huge vision.  Start small, but consistent.  Build community.  It will happen if you keep going with persistence and patience.

Still struggling with difficult relationships?

Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap

I think it’s pretty safe to assume that, if you are working to make an impact, life is busy!  You are almost certainly juggling, coordinating and prioritizing life, relationships, self-care, hiccups, money-making endeavors, impact activities, if the two are not intertwined, and then all of the extra activities that surround any and all of the above.

Most of us would probably say, “life is busy, but good!”

While you are increasing your bandwidth, however, it is so important to minimize stress.  Busy and energized is great but stress takes the energy to a negative place.  Overwhelm is never good and stress takes a toll on our impact, our bodies and our lives.

I always say, you can live that way for a sprint, but not a marathon!

Here are 6 quick questions.  Answer them and then take action to move from overwhelm to calm – or at least calmer!

1. What can you stop doing?

Are there rules that you live with in your house because you grew up that way?  Your mom made you do it so now you have to?  Rules about laundry, making the bed, dinners and more…..sit back and start fresh. Can you relax some rules you have for you? 

I still remember the dinner I made when my boys were little……”Oh mom!  You are the BEST cook!  You should have your own cooking show!”  My fancily cooked cuisine?
Tomato soup and grilled cheese – I think it’s safe to say they were easily wowed –

I’ve been a huge fan of my crock pot for years and Dump Recipes are amazing.  Drop the contents in a freezer bag, throw it in the freezer standing up.  Pull it out to place it in the crock pot first thing in the morning.  Fire up the rice cooker for a side and the meal is ready to go!

Remember…..I’ve always done this….does not have to lock you in for a lifetime. 

Also consider, What committees are you on?  What volunteering are you doing?

How much time are you spending on social media or watching junk tv?  Now, I have nothing against either and I’m not saying you must stop it all – but, let’s get real, either can become time suckers.  Netflix couldn’t make it any easier to binge watch for hours.  And scrolling social media for a few moments can turn into hours without any thought.

Take a look at your time with fresh eyes and let nothing be off limits. Keep track for a week or so.  If you have an iPhone, check the stats they now provide for how you’re spending time on you phone. 

What will you stop doing?

Where can you lower expectations?

There are different seasons of life.  Did you create some expectations for yourself, your home, your family that made great sense during a calmer time? 

Making your impact or maneuvering through any busy time of life with some amount of peace requires recalibrating expectations to better fit the time.

I still remember when, as a single mom, I had to lower my expectations for our pool. I’d always been proud of how sparkly blue I could keep it.  Well, once the full complement of responsibilities fell on me as a single who hadn’t downsized the home it was no longer realistic to keep the pool that way.  There are only so many hours in a day and some things had to give - Good enough had to be good enough. 

Where are you holding tight to unrealistic expectations that are not a fit for your circumstance?  Are they causing extra pressure, stress and discouragement?  Give yourself relief by adjusting where you must.

What can you outsource?

Make a list of the activities you don’t like to do or aren’t good at and farm out what you can.


I’m not just talking about hired help.  Is there anyone in your household who could take on additional duties?  Do you have kids old enough to start doing or chores, or, if doing some, can they take on more?  Now….I get it, this may also plop you back into the question above….where can you lower expectations?  Are you one of those, it has to be done exactly how I want it or it will drive me nuts people?  If so…lowering expectations and learning to live with good enough or different is fine may need to be part of your solution.

And then what CAN you hire out or trade for? 

There’s an endless list.  If you don’t have money to outsource, perhaps you can trade some services.  If you do outsource, be intentional with the time you capture. 

Lawn and landscaping?
Cleaning
Laundry
Driving Kids
Cooking
Clerical Activities
Basic accounting duties
Marketing and Social Media
Emails and Schedules
Tutors

How will you capture your list? 

The written or typed lists are essential!  If you don’t get it out the list sits in your head.  If it sits in your head you have to keep rehearsing it to make sure you aren’t forgetting anything.  I know you are laughing right now because you’ve done it or are doing it now!

Rehearsing a list makes you less productive in the moment and stressed.  Your mind will think that there is an endless number of tasks.  And you will be afraid of forgetting something.  It will also rob you of sleep.  Lying in bed when your mind is supposed to be quiet is the prime time for rehearsal.  Get it out of your head and on paper into a digital format!

How can you chunk down large projects?  

Good from a practical standpoint.  You can only do so much at once anyway. Unless your life is different from most, you’ll never get large projects done if you tell yourself you need a solid week of uninterrupted time.  BUT….you can finish pieces of a project 15, 30 or 90 minutes at a time.

Chunking down makes it easier to fill in fragments of time with pieces of your priorities list.  Apps like Toodledo will even help you sift to find tasks by time. 

Chunking down also helps you focus only on what’s next.  This is really helpful!  I used to feel the full weight of a project until it was all done.  That added way too much stress.  In a large project there is going to be an order to tasks.  If you’re on step 3 but worrying a feeling the weight of step 20 as if it’s gotta happen now, you’re increasing your stress exponentially.  I know from personal experience. I had to learn to chunk it down AND put the later tasks to the side in my mind.  Look at what’s in front of me now not what’s coming.

What should be prioritized first? Knowing what you need to get done is step one.  Step 2 is prioritizing it all to fit into the time you have in a way that gets it done on time.  Use your time with intention. 

When I’m prioritizing I pay attention to my energy.  I know that my most creative time is earlier in the day so prioritize tasks that require more focus into earlier time slots.

I also consider what’s happening in the world.  You won’t see me at a Costco on the weekend. I can go there during slower times so choose to do that instead.

I hope these questions will help you capture some productive time.  I can’t wait to see the impact you make with the new found time!

Still struggling with difficult relationships?

Head over to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap

Wishing you a life of joy, balance, passion & purpose!

Pop Psych 101

Poppsych101.com

Mike hails from Kansas City, Missouri; Kansas City is in Missouri, not Kansas, for the confused reading this. CHIEFS!

Living in KC is a bit of luck on Mike’s side–being right in the middle of the USA is super useful for someone who’s terrified to fly. North, West, East or South, nothing is further than 27 hours drive. Doable.

Husband and Dad life are number 1. Talk show Host? Stay at home Dad. Pretty nice guy. Average height. Handsome sometimes. Driven by a primal urge to create and entertain.

That primal urge is called Bipolar Disorder. It’s actually super useful. Goal Oriented like crazy.

#1 creative and entertainment goal? Teaching people about Mental Health. It’s fascinating if you just listen for minute or two

Mike is working to spread awareness and bust the stigma of mental health issues.  He wants to normalize it so that at some point we can speak about it the same way we would talk about a broken leg.

He’s been a creative person his entire life and began adding to his portfolio when he was 13 years old. 

He now works from the speed of pedal-to-the-medal to huge downswings where it’s difficult to get up or do anything.

His wife is always there to encourage him and so is his sister, but there are also times when he needs to give in to the disease and tuck away in the quiet.

Mike and his podcast co-host, Ryan, a therapist, explore the topic of mental health through movies and shows.  They share ideas and reviews in an entertaining way and joke that their show has one therapist, one advocate and 2 perspectives.

Do you have some lingering relationships ... …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…

……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.

Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap  I can’t wait to show you how!

Go to: DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out

Your plugging along working and feeling productive with a vision of an on time exit from work when you look up to see the Workplace Whiner standing in your doorway.  Or, perhaps you work from home and the constant complainer enters your space via phone.

Oh No!! Not now! Not today!

The energy-zapping, soul-sucking minutes that can drag into an hour. Time you can never get back. You want to scream, slam the door in their face, or end the call, but you don’t want them to feel bad……or walk around complaining about you!

Years ago, when I worked in an office full time we had an employee who walked around for hours every day holding a coffee mug. We called the mug his “decoy”. He’d make it appear as though he was just out on a quick jaunt to refill, but this was obviously not his true mission.   Office by office he’d stop in for his chat, sharing tidbits he’d heard along the way. He was also known as the department spy.

Whiners and complainers can take many forms. They can be frustrated about co-workers or personal injustices. Whatever the topic, they are breeding drama wherever they go. They aren’t just looking for an ear to get through a tough time. They are built to look for the issue, the challenge, the drama.  If a frustration isn’t easy to find, they’ll flip a story to become victim, wronged yet again.

Your whiner may be at work, or perhaps provide service at a place you frequent.  Are they a friend who calls nightly to share their woes?

Many of my clients struggle to avoid whiners. Here are some of the key strategies I share with them. Pick the one that feels right for you and your circumstance.

1. This one is the least direct but usually yields a good result. A quick excuse stated as you focus intently on your screen or head out the door. “I’m so sorry. I’m on a deadline so can chat for 5 minutes but no more. What’s up?”

I don’t condone lying. So, I’m not really suggesting that you say you are on a deadline when you aren’t. I just think it’s safe to assume that, whether at work or moving through life, there is always some kind of priority looming. Just fill in the blank with the actual time frame or leave it out altogether if you prefer to make an instant get away.

2. This option is one that will achieve your end result over time. Ultimately, any whiner is looking for the sympathetic ear. That person who will commiserate with their opinions and validate their misery. They are intentional about their targets. It’s no fun to whine to someone who is coming back at you with butterflies and sunshine, or worse, someone who’ll share strategies or specific actions the whiner could take to improve the situation!!
   
   They aren’t looking for a new perspective. No, they seek someone to join them in their funk. So, I suggest that you begin sharing ideas about the more positive perspective they might consider as they describe their negative view. Or, share how wonderful you think that situation sounds or how they might improve the situation with a proactive approach. You won’t be the chosen one for long if you don’t empathize or commiserate. I promise! 

No beating around the bush with this one. The more direct approach that will earn you the quickest retreat is to simply state that you have made it your personal goal to remain focused on all things positive. You’ve given up watching the news and will be happy to engage in problem solving activities but are committed to steering clear of complaining or any other negative, low energy inputs.  It will be immediately obvious to even the most self-absorbed whiner that you are not the ideal target. Some will put up a bit of a fight, but stand your ground. ‘If you have any positive news to share I am all ears. If not, I need to stop you right there and get back to my work.”

The Relationship Renovation Roadmap

Go to: DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out

Wrestling with Fatherhood

wwfatherhood.com

Matt Woodrum, married, with 3 daughters, is passionate about sending a call out to men to understand the value that they bring to their families. As someone who grew up without a dad and worked within the prison system, Matt has seen firsthand how growing up without a dad can negatively affect our children.

Matt is equipping men to become their kid’s biggest hero.  To often men minimize their value.

Matt found his motivation from his childhood.

As a small illustration of the kind of life he had as a toddler, Matt shares that his first words were Scooby Doo.

Matt was removed from his home and adopted out when he was 4 years old because he had been abused.  The man he called father committed suicide when he was 7.  He did not have a good role model after that. 

He credits his wife who, when they first met, encouraged him, telling him that he had a great future and could design it.  She also believed in him and his ability to do well in school when he felt like a failure.

As an adult he worked in a prison ministry and learned that 88% of men who were incarcerated did not have good father figures growing up. 

And, then he worked with women in prison teaching anger management and learned of the heartache so many had felt from treatment from men.

He knew that men needed to step up, do better and understand the value they could bring by living to higher standards. 

Next steps include Mastermind groups for men where they will find a community to lock arms with so they can encourage, uplift one another and hole one another accountable to exceptional standards.

Matt often struggles with not feeling good enough or questions how in the world someone with his background could ever be equipped to help men be great fathers and husbands.  He has no role model himself.  But, his wife is always there with words of encouragement and this keeps him going.

Matt knows that with a history like his he could either think poor me and use it as an excuse to do nothing with his life or, he could turn his trials into his testimony.

Do you have some lingering relationships ....that can be challenging …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…

……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.

Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap  I can’t wait to show you how!    Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!

Have you ever heard Jeff Foxworthy’s  “You Might Be a Redneck if…..” lists?

They are hilarious!

Well, I’m going to start with something similar, but you may not find it so funny.

I call it the You Might Be a People Pleaser if: 

• If you Constantly feel overwhelmed and scattered…..You might be a People Pleaser
• If you often feel unappreciated…..You might be a people pleaser.
• If you feel resentment towards most people in your life……you might be a people pleaser
• If everyone takes advantage of you….you might be a people pleaser….
• If your life is filled with pushy people …….you might be a people pleaser
• If you just want everyone to be happy and will do almost anything to make it that way….You might be a people pleaser.
• If you rarely, if ever, ask anyone for help……you might be a people pleaser.
• If you often feel disappointed in others……you might be a people pleaser.
• If you’re afraid to share your disappointments or other negative feelings……you might be a people pleaser.
• If you aren’t even certain what having feelings means…You are DEFINITELY a People Pleaser!

You tell yourself your friends, family members, employees, volunteers should just know what to do.  You stuff your feelings or are not even aware of them – Maybe you aren’t even certain what I mean when I ask about your feelings
You minimize your own wants and needs
You excuse or justify away your need to speak up

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had a people pleasing client tell me, I just want everyone to be happy.  I’m just really nice.

But here’s the reality; People Pleasers don’t just want others to be happy.  They NEED others to be happy!  And most are actually controlling and manipulating their way to that end.

Yep….It’s true!  Here’s the thought process:

I want to be okay.

I need you to be okay so that I can be okay.

I will do whatever it takes for you to be okay.

Doing anything can mean hiding true feelings, manipulating outcomes behind the scenes, having back hall conversations rather than speaking directly to anyone actually involved, avoiding tough conversations, lying or withholding information.

And there are many unintended consequences, beyond the personal build-up of resentments, overwhelm, frustrations, disappointments, chaos that comes with trying to control the lives of everyone around you so that you can feel okay?  The lost energy spent to track modified messages, make things happen covertly, stuffing true feelings while plastering a smile.

Yes, beyond these personal consequences are these:

Unintended Consequences:

You Rob Others of their Opportunity to Excel – They have no idea you’d like them to do better or be different.  By sulking in silence or complaining only to others you are robbing them of the chance to make a different choice.

People can’t trust you: – Yep, that’s right!  Whether it’s deep down or something they know to be true for certain, those around you can’t trust your words.  You say you are fine, but are you really?  You say you can help, but will you actually show?  You say you’re happy with their achievements, but have they really done enough?

Do you feel motivated to make the change that you must? 

Here 5 Steps to Stop Your People Pleasing

1. Collect the Pain: Begin to notice where you feel resentment, disappointment towards others.  Notice when you are overwhelmed and frustrated.  Pay attention to all the times you put your agenda aside for someone else’s emergency or request.
2. Determine What You Want/Need:  It may have been a while since you thought about what you wanted.  Practice doing some check ins throughout the day. Determine whether you are pretending to be happy or if you really are.
3. Start Speaking Up:  Begin saying no to requests where appropriate and start setting boundaries and asking for help from others.  Set clear expectations for your employees.  Provide constructive feedback where necessary.
4. Gather Successes: As you speak up or say no and get a good response, take note.  Remember all the times that your feared outcome did not happen.  Start with people who are easier to speak with.  Then work towards tackling the People Pushers in your life.

Build Momentum:  Continue to speak up as you build enthusiasm and feel empowered. Enjoy the feeling and keep going!

Click here to view more information on the Relationship Renovation Roadmap