Mon, 4 March 2019
Do you have some lingering relationships ....that can be challenging …tear you down….cause grief…..have baggage…..long histories…
……these relationships can and DO zap our energy, steal our joy, drum up false beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes even stand in the way of achieving our dreams.
Yes, addressing relationship stuff can feel overwhelming, but often remedies are simpler than you’d think if you know how to define the right fix. That’s why I’ve designed the Relationship Renovation Roadmap I can’t wait to show you how! Go to DefeatTheDrama.com/Roadmap to check it out!
Have you ever heard Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck if…..” lists?
They are hilarious!
Well, I’m going to start with something similar, but you may not find it so funny.
I call it the You Might Be a People Pleaser if:
You tell yourself your friends, family members, employees, volunteers should just know what to do. You stuff your feelings or are not even aware of them – Maybe you aren’t even certain what I mean when I ask about your feelings
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had a people pleasing client tell me, I just want everyone to be happy. I’m just really nice.
But here’s the reality; People Pleasers don’t just want others to be happy. They NEED others to be happy! And most are actually controlling and manipulating their way to that end.
Yep….It’s true! Here’s the thought process:
I want to be okay.
I need you to be okay so that I can be okay.
I will do whatever it takes for you to be okay.
Doing anything can mean hiding true feelings, manipulating outcomes behind the scenes, having back hall conversations rather than speaking directly to anyone actually involved, avoiding tough conversations, lying or withholding information.
And there are many unintended consequences, beyond the personal build-up of resentments, overwhelm, frustrations, disappointments, chaos that comes with trying to control the lives of everyone around you so that you can feel okay? The lost energy spent to track modified messages, make things happen covertly, stuffing true feelings while plastering a smile.
Yes, beyond these personal consequences are these:
You Rob Others of their Opportunity to Excel – They have no idea you’d like them to do better or be different. By sulking in silence or complaining only to others you are robbing them of the chance to make a different choice.
Do you feel motivated to make the change that you must?
Here 5 Steps to Stop Your People Pleasing
Build Momentum: Continue to speak up as you build enthusiasm and feel empowered. Enjoy the feeling and keep going!